NinjaGandalf

Sickipedia: Politics explained for dumb people

Socialism:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

Communism:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

Traditional Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

A American Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A French Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.

A German Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A British Corporation:
You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

An Italian Corporation:
You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Swiss Corporation:
You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Chinese Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

An Iraqi Corporation:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

Counter Culture:
'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'

Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Fatalist:
You have 2 doomed cows...

Hong Kong Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.

An Arkansas Corporation:
You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

An Indian Corporation:
You have 2 cows. You worship them.

An Australian Corporation:
You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.